Dear Conor Oberst

WHAT. THE. FUCK?!

So Bright Eyes is officially dead in 2010, I kinda figured that. But thanks for clearing it up once and for all. I'm glad we get one more album. It better not suck.

Now I hear that the Mystic Valley Band is also dead. I thought you were this weird Mexican/southern troubadour now. You not like it? Or was it the whole letting other people sing and write thing. I can see how that would get to you.

So you are in Monsters of Folk now, but that can't last. M. has three albums to work on for She & Him with Zooey. Jim will be going back to My Morning Jacket next year. But you are working on Bright Eyes then any way. So that works out fine, except that his band is exploding and a tour for their follow-up would last until the end of 2011. So that's out too.

You and I both know you can't go a year without releasing an album. And it's good to see you working with Mogis again. He is the Paul to your John.

So you better buck up buster. You were once at the top of my song-writers list, but now not so much. Rolling Stone may have praised you, but not me. Brian Fallon (and his Gaslight Anthem) has taken your place. Frank Turner is fast approaching. And we both know that John K. Samson from the Weakerthans has always been your equal.

With age these three just seem to be more focused and cohesive, you more distracted and disparate.

So step it up, you've been at this for 16 years now...